if you use emoticons, that is evidence you are incapable of expressing yourself effectively.  you will probably argue that your use of emoticons saves typing.  then why for example do you add a smiling emoticon at the end of a message?  that is a keystroke in excess of what you already typed.  were you a better writer, you could have already communicated a smiling tone by word choice and saved yourself the degrading use of that emoticon.  not only are emoticons ugly, they take all the poetry out of the written word.  nearly every love letter i receive these days has emoticons.  is it just that i attract that type, or has the whole world become illiterate?

in times like these, you tell the world how harsh a luxury existence can be.  to battle hypothetical cancer that hasn’t reached you yet, you upgraded your tits with firmer larger cancer-proof ones.  your expensive doctors explain that this is preemptive treatment, given you have a higher than average risk factor for cancer.  so why not also get a preemptive lobotomy?  you are obviously an even higher risk for insanity.  and while you’re at it, have your expensive lawyers arrange a preemptive divorce.  because your sham marriage may be at risk of being irreconcilable.  considering you are both boobs, the symbolism will be completely lost on you two.